sidewalk looks SLIM FOREVER workout

GYM FREAKS Hollande and David has the effrontery to challenge the perpetually uxorious, Birdman to a gruelling workout on the sidewalk.

Birdman, left, Hollande, getting ready for press ups

HOLLANDE:

Your'e like a fixture on the sidewalk Birdman, when do you find the time to go to the gym for a proper workout?


David cackles


Birdman:

Is that where you lot are going now?


David:

Of course


Hollande:

Wanna come for a proper workout?


Birdman:

No thank you, I hate the gym with a passion.


Hollande:

No wonder you look so unfit


David:

Yeah


Birdman:

Tell me, how often do you lot go to the gym


BOTH:

EVERYDAY!


Birdman:

Everyday? You lot need to get a life. Get a more exciting hobby. No wonder you always look so frustrated.


Hollande:

Whatever!


Birdman:


Both of you strike me as the types who go to the gym EVERYDAY and don't really workout. Instead, you just walk around and annoy proper gym users with your endless chatter. When you run out of people to annoy, you then go on a mechanical bike for 20 minutes; hardly pedalling - on the lowest resistance. (burst into laughter)


David: (shouts)

Take that back!


Birdman: Oh, so it's true.


David:(grabs birdman by throat)

Hello no! Take that back!


Hollande:

David, leave him alone. You know it's true.....BUT...we are still fitter than him.


Birdman:

YOU WISH! I knew it.



David:

You really think walking up and down the sidewalk everyday can make you fit.


HOLLANDE CACKLES


Birdman:

Of course! Who needs a boring gym when I got this beautiful sidewalk to work out on - for free..Look at the scenery.. Ah Breathtaking.


Hollande:

Only an idiot thinks he can live out every aspect of his life on the sidewalk


David:

I know how we can show him up. Let's see who is the fittest, YOU are US


HOLLANDE:

Yes. We dare you to let us work out with you on your beloved sidewalk


Birdman:

It's raining. Lets do this another time


Hollande:

I don't think so


David:

No chance
.......................................................................................................................

Birdman:

My hands are gonna get dirty


DAVID RUSHES INTO SOMEONE'S YARD AND BORROW A A PIECE OF FLAT BOARD


David:

Not anymore. You can rest your hands on this when we work out


Birdman:

You are gonna get me in trouble. Put it back please.


David:

Stop being a chicken


Hollande:

Let's go furrther up the sidewalk where the owner can't see us

..................................................................................................................

Birdman:

We must warm up first

David:

No time for that.


Birdman:

We will injure our muscles if we dont warm up before working out

Hollande:

NONSENSE!

..................................................................................................................

David's revolutionally new way to burn to stay in shape - PRAYING

David:

Working out in the rain makes me sweat profusely. I'm gonna sit this out today. Sorry Hollande. Good luck!

......................................................................................................................................

David:

5, 6, 7, 8, go


The first set of exercise, press ups, is underway. Hollande manages to do about 7. On the other hand, Birdman goes on endlessly. David grow tired-counting.


David:

STOP! If you continue a gruelling excercise programme like this, your'e gonna be SLIM FOREVER. That's very worrying.

.......................................................................................

Hollande has a funny way of conceding defeat. Look at his pose

..............................................................................

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Alternative fashion Week at Spitalfield Market

Sidewalk chums are meant to attend arresting yvents together. However, Dennis is at the Alternative Fashion Week without the erstwhile Cole. The event must have slipped Cole's mind. Still weeping for the loss of his precious tooth, Cole had promised to show up nonetheless. Dennis emerges from Liverpool station, pestering pedestrians fur directions.

Dennis at  Spitalfield Traders' Market, sporting Tiger of Sweden trousers and Primark shirt

Pedestrians look at Dennis with blank stares or quickly declare no knowledge of the place. When he finally reaches and read the welcome sign, he understands why. All along, he was asking for Pitafield Market. The correct name is Spitalfield Traders' Market. What a difference a 's' makes. The beauty about this place, incidentally, is that it comprises both market stalls and posh shops like CHiCA. Anyone who never visit |Spitalfield, should be ashamed to admit it.

Please note that Alternative Fashion Week is produced by Alternative Arts, free of charge to the independent designers. There is a heavy downpour of rain, nevertheless, a large turn out of curious and interested people are on hand. Everyone has an umbrella but the high roof of the market is more than adequate.
............................................................................................

Where is Cole when I need him, Dennis thinks. It's gonna be a little challenging getting someone to shoot the videos and pictures. He would love to ask female passers-by but he's afraid they might mistakenly think he's trying to pull them. He tries one anyway. She didn't even reply, she just peer at the camera in his outstretched hand and walk away quickly. Never again, he thinks.


Excuse, do you mind taking a picture if me, please....Just ONE....takes just 5 seconds...

(scurrying away) No English


Two guys tries to run away. Dennis pleads earnestly so one of them decided to stop and help. Dennis gives instructions on how to shoot the video and what button on the camera to press to start and stop the action.


Later, Dennis tries in vain to stop few more pedestrians but they all ignore him.


Next, he approaches a couple and ask them to shoot the still photos. The male who was closest to him, frowns and hold his head straight. "You want me to take a pictures OF YOU?" asked his female companion.

"That's it." Dennis beams.

Okay

He hands her the camera then walk and pose for each photo.

"Awesome", she smiled when she takes the last picture.

................................................................................................

THE SHOWS ALTERNATIVE highlights


Women of all ages, sizes and heights are appreciated here. The female models are of average or above average sizes. Apparently, no sticks are allowed on this show. Also, there seems to be no restriction on heights; some of the models are a bit taller than a midget, whereas others are quite tall. Needless to say, the clothes look good on all of them. All models underwent weeks of training before the event opened.

Cole will be so pissed he'll probably lose another tooth when Dennis tells him later that he had missed the free lingerie show. Poor thing. Unlike London fashion week, you see, this show is hardly exclusive. No cordoned off front row for celebrities. Passers-by from all walks of life, sit with journalists and professionals from the fashion industry. Therefore, Cole missed a treat.



Before each designer's collection is showcased, he/she talks briefly about his/her inspiration for their creations. These independent designers maybe unknown and their collections are sometimes random, outlandish and outrageous but their talents are in evidence and appreciated by everyone in attendance. Some
of them are participating in a fashion show for the very first time so they are accompanied by friends and family to cheer and take pictures.

The highlights of Kevin's day were the eco-friendly and chic creations and the free lingerie presentaton. He thoroughly enjoyed the show.
..........................................................................................................................


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Tinie Tempah launches Disturbing London at Selfridges

STYLE CHAMELEON, Chelsea has the physiognomy to wear any of the striking pieces in Tinie Tempa's Disturbing London range. Consequently, finding himself with a spare £2700, he turns up at the launch of the range at Selfridges. Like Tinie,  Chelsea  actually kepe some clothes at his aunt's house. He lives with her, you see. His Fearsome and Handsome collection is crying out for some new and different pieces to jazz it up.

Chelsea parades on sidewalk facing Selfridges in H & M top and FCUK  jeans

As usual,  Chelsea 's cash-strapped chum,  Perry, tagged along behind, but was forced to return home prematurely. He admitted he did not notice the glass door at the entrance was unopened, so he walked straight into it. Luckily, he managed to lose only a front tooth. He wasn't gonna buy anything away, he just wanted to have a look




SECURITY, CARRIE: (to Chelsea)

Is he okay? How can we help?




CHELSEA: (annoyance in tone)


May I have the direction to the Trafford Centre? I can't wait any longer to see what the range look like. He's fine, by the way. (dashes towards escalators)



PERRY:

Wait for me.... I wanna talk to you


CHELSEA:

You just lost a tooth, how can you talk to me? Call your girlfriend so she can pick you up

I wanna talk to you

You've been saying that to me all the week, yet you said nothing even though you had your full set of teeth.

Please!

Now is not the time...I got Disturbing London clothes on my mind

.........................................................................................................

TRAFFORD CENTER

Louis: (gushes)

WOW! I love these clothes; they are o scool

Suggs:


Pretty decent range, if you ask me.


Meanwhile Chelsea tries on Black Tea Cup hooded sweatshirt. The shop assistant nods in approval when he comes out of the Fitting Room. 'It looks alright', she beams.


Alright? I change my mind then

Sorry, I mean it looks very good

Got you! I was gonna take it anyway, because I believe I look fantastic in it


She smiles

Chelsea grabs T shirts and few more of the hooded sweatshirts.


Man: (rants on phone)

I think Tinie Tempah was inspired by that 17 year old rapper from the US...What's his name?....Never mind....There is nothing distinctive about the clothes. They are not in Selfridges league, I honestly believe they are more appropriate for New Look or H & M...Taking all that into consideration, I can't understand whey they are so damn expensive. UGH!


Kevin:

I beg to defer. This collection looks amazing so it will do wonders for Selfridge's overall sales


(laughs loudly) Get lost! You chat pure nonsense. And get your own style. I can tell you're trying to clown Tinie Tempah's style.


Whatever!  You accuse Tinie of copying Diggy Simmons' eponymous collection, now you're accusing me of Copying Tinie's style....UGH!

..................................................................................................


Mariano:

Excuse me!




Shop Assistant:

Yes




Mariano

I can't seem to find the collection's women's pieces




The Disturbing London's collection is men's only, I'm afraid




Mariano:

Really! That's a shame. I'm sure his legion f female admirers would like to hit the sidewalk in clothes bearing his name.


Don't worry, he will not keep them waiting for long


Mariano

Hope not, I can hear them clamouring already for his clothes



His underpants?

....................................................................................................

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ASANTE wears clothes inside out

BUNCH of girls roller-blade on the sidewalk, singing opera songs. Passers-by glare at them in utter bemusement. In Asante's expert opinion, the style zealot of the bunch is Claire; the girl singing soprano. She wears her psychedelic print dress inside out. ASANTE trips over a sidewalk bench owing to his fix gaze on her attire.

Asante (showing off inner stitchings on H  M inside out sweatshirt)

NEXT DAY ASANTE AND HIS CHUM, LINDSAY, STRUTS DOWN THE SIDEWALK


LINDSAY: (laughs)


Do you like dressing in the dark? Or did you dress in HASTE? Or did you spill something nasty on the outside of your clothes?






ASANTE:


I wonder why you asking such stupid questions.




LINDSAY:


Well, I noticed you've been wearing your clothes inside out recently. Today is no exception. This is funny....




ASANTE:


You TURD. Why didn't you tell me this before?






LINDSAY:

Sorry. I meant to bring it to your attention, I just forgot. Better late than never. No wonder pedestrians have been giving us funny looks




ASANTE:


Who cares!






LINDSAY:

I do




ASANTE:


I don't. In fact, I think it's FUN to wear my clothes like this






LINDSAY:


Don't mess with me. You can't be serious


...........................................................................................................




ASANTE TOLD LINDSAY ABOUT CLAIRE; THE SOPRANO WHO INSPIRED HIS LATEST SIDEWALK LOOK







LINDSAY: (incredulously)


Chum, you are crazy. Honeslty, I think you're taking this Sidewalk Looks too far. What will you think of next? wearing your clothes BACKWARDS?....Here. (hands jacket) WEAR it over your shirt NOW.




ASANTE:

What for?





LINDSAY:

Lots of people are here for the sidewalk sale, they will laugh at us if they see you wearing your clothes like that. You must hide those stitchings





ASANTE:

I'm proud to show off this look, so keep your jacket. If you're so worried about making a fool of yourself, then jog on. Real talk




LINDSAY:

I'm trying to help you, so don't be rude





ASANTE:

You're either gonna continue support me on this project or NOT...My only regret is that the seams and stitchings on my clothes are not more noticeable. UGH!






LINDSAY:

 Stop this crazy thing chum. Are you on drugs or something?





ASANTE:

Wishing you could pull of this unique look?





LINDSAY:

This look is WEIRD, not unique




ASANTE:

 Whatever! How many times have I seen you with your clothes inside-out, yet I still stood by you





LINDSAY:

Nothing wrong if I wear my pyjamas inside out. I was in my own private home. The difference is, you are on a PUBLIC sidewalk. Don't ever think these people will fail to notice how RIDICULOUS your clothes look, just because they are busy searching for bargains. If no one talks to us today, you'll be the reason.




ASANTE:

Whatever...Only last saturday, a jogger pointed out that your sweatshirt was inside out. Have you forgotten that already? I happen to like my clothes inside out, okay?





LINDSAY:

Atleast, I had an excuse....Don't you realize how gross you look wearing your clothes like that. UGH




.
ASANTE:

..an excuse? You should be ashamed of even mentioning 'an excuse.' I'm sure everyone will prefer to see me wearing my clothes inside out....SOBER...than you doing the same but DRUNK as hell...And what about the time you were spotted on the sidewalk in two different shoes? One black, one brown....






LINDSAY: (laughs)


.....I must admit, that was hilarious



ASANTE: (joins in laughter)

It's good when you can laugh at yourself sometimes. Life is too short to take things so seriously. Trust me, wearing your clothes inside out is FUN


.........................................................................................................................

Lindsay (before turning jacket inside out)

LINDSAY:

So are you telling me that you saw this (indicating a finger) ONE girl wearing her clothes inside out, and that inspired you to follow?




ASANTE:

Actually, I did spot some pedestrians doing the same thing, but I thought it was madness. However, this girl made the look, look so cool and on trend, I couldn't resist. You should try it sometimes.




LINDSAY:

I don't know



ASANTE:

Tell me something. Do you wash your clothes inside out?




LINDSAY:

Yes. Why?




Same here. However, beforeI do my laundary,  I don't have to go through the trouble of turning each piece of clothing inside out, because I was wearing them inside out already



LINDSAY:

I see.

..................................................................................................................................

LINDSAY:

I normally fold my washed clothes inside out



ASANTE:

If you wear them inside out, you wont have to turn them inside out again. Besides, when you wear your clothes inside out, you get double value for money, if you know what I mean



LINDSAY:

You mean I get more wears out of them. I never thought of that




ASANTE:

And if you ever discover your clothes is inside out after buttoning up, don't worry. Go about your business without correcting it. It's funny, but it's fun




Are you tryin to make a fool out of me?



ASANTE:

Hell no! I just want you to join the style party....Another reason why you might fancy inside out dressing is, the brand label will be increasingly visible....


.....Really. This is sounding better by the minute. You should have said that in the begining


ASANTE:

I know....I know how much you like to show off your brand of clothing



Indeed. I must admit I admire your smart genes 




ASANTE:

Thanks...By the way, if you can't be bothered to turn your clothes inside out every time, you can always pick up clothing at H & M and TopMan with the stitchings on the outside. In fact, my current attire is from H & M. My Fearsome and Handsome collection needs a few more similar pieces, so lets stop on the way.


You mean even the stores are into this trend?


Yes. Well, I don't know if it's officially a trend, but I do know that,  these stores are cottoning on in the name of profit. You should cotton on in the name of Sidewalk Looks

on the way to H & M and Topman to help Lindsay find some inside out clothing

.......................................................................................................................

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ALDO re-opens Oxford Street

SIDEWALK chums Jack and Bruins hearts skip beats at the re-opening of ALDO on Oxford street. Outstandingly good staff salute them at the entrance, then hand out free delectable sweets, Iphone cases and scratch cawrds. Amber Atherton from Made in Chelsea, rocks the euphoric crowd with a fine selection of music.

Jack stops for a photograph while Bruins walks ahead in white ALDO shoes.  (photograph by  Mel)

JACK: (gushes)

OMG! This store is HUGE!


BRUINS:

So colourful and bright...The shoes look good too


JACK:

Hold your horses, we haven't seen all of them yet.


BRUINS:

I'm having a wonderful time and we just got here. That's all I know.


JACK:

This is awesome


BRUINS:

This is what I call fantastic


JACK:

I like it here alot...This got to be the BIGGEST store in the world. Aren't they?

..................................................................................................

FEMALE CUSTOMERS GETTING NAILS DONE


Good place to unwind


Indeed, get me some of the free ice cream please.


The summer shoes look fabulous. Aren't they?


So many choices. it will be difficult to choose


Get me vanilla please. That's my favourite flavour.


..I meant many choices of shoes NOT icecream, you moron.

.................................................................................................

BUNCH OF PEOPLE ENTER IN WILD CHATTER
......................................................................................................


Woman: As much as I adore these neon wedges, I'll have to leave them

I will lend you the money

I have money with me, thanks. Peter said I have too many ALDO shoes already, so I should not buy any more.

Nonsense. It's not possible for a woman to have too many shoes. You'd be an idiot NOT to take advantage of these amazing discounts.


(grunts) He's just jealous I have a lot more shoes and clothes than him.


(scoffs) MEN!

.............................................................................................................

GIRL AND HER FIVE YEAR OLD CHILD RUN INTO A FAMILY MEMBER

Girl:

It's been 3 months since we saw you aunty. How you been?

Child:

Aunty, you have grown

.............................................................................................................
TEENAGED FRIENDS CHATS ABOVE THE DIN

My mother needs to know that SHE is a whore


SHHH!!!Don't tell everyone. At the end of the day, she's still your mother


I don't care....Well, she's been telling EVERYONE  lies about me, so nothing is wrong if I speak the truth about her.


Can we speak about this on the way home. I don't wanna spoil the mood here....By the way, did you answer the trivia questions?

Yes, of course

Well done

(cackles)
Well, the manager said all my answers were incorrect.

...........................................................................................................

STAFF MEMBER HANDS A FREE TOTE BAG TO FEMALE SHOPPER


Can I just be cheeky and ask for the blue one, please?


.........................................................................................................................


(enthuses)

This is the best day in my life.

well done ALDO staff. This is the best store party I've attended

This is the FIRST store party you're.....

SHUT UP!


(to a member of staff)

Where can we find the parked ALDO truck?  We wanna try win the £100 gift.

It's on the sidewalk of Conduit Street, next to NEXT

Thanks
.........................................................................................................................

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7 For All Mankind store Opens in Covent Gardens

PERVASIVE Ivanovic learnt about 7 For All Mankind's shop opening in Covent Gardens only while sauntering to worke with Hillary. Needless to say, he made a U-turn peremptorily. He never update his Fearsome and Handsome collection unless he first gets inspiration from the sidewalk, so Hillary feels it's unwise for him to skip an important meeting at work just to witness a new shop opening. As she does not want to upset him any more, she keeps her mouth closed.

SIDEWALK CHUMS HURRYING ALONG SIDEWALK




Ivanovic: (barks)


How come you failed to tell me about this new 7 For ALL Mankind shop opening?


Hillary:


Relax man. Sorry. You said you had a meeting at work today, so I figured you'd be unable to come and see what's on offer.


Ivanovic:

Nonsense. I'm chairing that meeting so it can't go on without me. They'll just have to wait....Lent is over, spring has sprung, so it's time to feast my eyes on potential sidewalk looks.


Hillary:


Wont your colleagues be upset?


Ivanovic:

Not when I tell them that I had stomach ache


Hillary:


Your'e such a liar....


Ivanovic:

....Shut up!...Just hurry before the fashion fanatics grab the best pieces. I just need to see if they have some decent jeans so I can finally bin these Primark ones I been wearing for the last month. UGH!


Hillary:


Sorry, I can't walk any faster. Your attaché case is too heavy for me.


Ivanovic: (grabs attache)

What are you doing with my Gucci bag? I have important files in there for the meeting, you know.



Hillary:


You asked me to carry it for you, as usual.


Ivanovic:

Oh! Okay, (hands it back) carry it then. Just don't drop it. Too much vomit and spit on the sidewalk.


.....................................................................
CHUMS  BROWSING INSIDE NEW STORE


HILLARY:

Wow!


What are you looking at?


HILLARY:

This 7 For All Mankind jeans, of course. They look quite comfortable.


Duh! This is the 7 For All Mankind store, so all the denim on display are by 7 For All Mankind....Try it on then



HILLARY:

I can't be bothered. Why don't you try it on? It will definitely suit you



Okay. Where's the Fitting room?


.....................................................................

UGH! (shouts from inside Fitting Room)


HILLARY:

What's the matter?


I hate them. I feel like ripping it up..


HILLARY:

I thought you said you love it.



You said you love it, NOT ME. It don't fit me at all. UGH!


HILLARY:

You know 7 For All Mankind denim do not come cheap. So if you rip it, you'll be forking out lots of cash to pay for it. Just look for another one and stop stressing yourself.

The whole rack seem to be size 34, what am I gonna do?.....Even your dad is sporting  7 For All Mankind jeans on the sidewalk, so I hope I'll find a pair that's right for me

HILLARY:
Ahhhh! I bought it for him. I noticed that the sidewalk was awash with pedestrians clad in them, so I didn't want him to feel left out.


...................................................................................

BINGO!



HILLARY:


You seem pretty happy with this pair. Turn around let me see....






(spins slowly with wide grin)


I could literally live in this pair all week. Joking. I'd wear it only when I am going to a special occasion.




Looks good indeed. Well done. Are you gonna buy it now?




Of course not. You know I have to first see a pedestrian sporting something similar on the sidewalk




In other words, your'e here just to LOOK






Something wrong with that? I would'nt miss this experience for the world. Next time an important fashion event comes up, please remember to to give me advance notice


.........................................................................................................




In store radio belts out Cookie Jar by Gym Class Heroes; "I like girls, they like me. They look so good in their seven jeans. Want you to be the one and my only. I wanna be faithful but I can't keep my hands out the cookie jar...."

.........................................................................................................

I'm could wear this pair to work today...

You're already in trouble for turning up late at the meeting, wouldn't you be making things worse by ditching the uniform for a pair of jeans..


I wouldn't care?


It's a good thing you're the type who relies on pedestrians' fashion to inspire your personal clothes...By the way, I believe you you already have a similar pair of 7 For All mankind jeans in your Fearsome and Handsome collection.


My ex shredded it when we broke up, remember?

Really. So what did you do in response?


Nothing


 Can you buy me this jacket for me? I forget my wallet.

.................................................................................................................
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