Sidewalk Darlings

Saturday, 17 November 2012

jump on the Jumpsuit wagon

FLANKED by two police officers, a woman clad in a prison-like jumpsuit, stands on the sidewalk, holding a huge sign which reads “ONLY AN IDIOT WOULD DRIVE ON THE SIDEWALK TO AVOID A SCHOOL BUS”.

Passers-by agree the court was correct in its judgement and hope this will be a lesson to everyone who threatens lives on the sidewalk.

KRISTEN
Sweet justice, indeed.

KRISTEN
(yells)
You call that sweet justice?why the HELL is she allowed to wear oversize sunglasses and baseball cap? The police need to take them off. We need to see her darn face!

JUSTIN

She is even smoking and texting. That's not punishment. She seems to be having a whale of a time
.....................................................

With jumpsuits foremost on everyones' lips, the sidewalk chums immediately notice a pedestrian who is wearing an on-trend long sleeved sequinned one.

JUSTIN
When it comes to jumpsuit, you either get it right, or you DON'T. She takes a huge style risk, but you know what chums, like Rihanna in Armani denim jumpsuit and Kristen Stewart at the Twilight premiere in lace jumpsuit, she gets it right...

KATE
It’s a nice outfit. She looks amazing. Her fashion sense is spot on

KRISTEN
Too much flesh on display

JUSTIN
Well, she has immaculate skin, so why not flaunt it?

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Sunday, 4 November 2012

Is it me, or is winter-clothes shopping a pain?

PERHAPS it's nice and warm in your heart but by the looks of what pedestrians are wearing today, winter is in full oscillation. It gets colder and wetter each day. Nevertheless, Justin, Kristen and Kate are still upbeat about hanging out at their favorite sidewalk haunt; the bench.

Long sleeved, slim fit cardigan that Justin is wearing on the sidewalk

KRISTEN
I love your cardigan, Justin. It looks so edgy, modern and splendiferous...That's a good investment for the winter season.

KATE
It's so cool and good-looking. Can't believe it's a male's cardigan looking so AWESOME.

JUSTIN
(beams, fishes out Iphone and shows an image of the item)

Thanks girl and girl...

KRISTEN
(to Kate)

Splendiferous? I would'nt go that far. SPLENDID will suffice...Incidentally, Kate, that's a great, flamboyant flower lace cardigan you got on...Where did you get it?...So gorgeous. And desirable, covetable...

KATE
(quips, fishes out Iphone and show image of the cardigan)

Thanks Sorry you can't have this one I'm wearing. It's taken...And I wont let you take it off me either...

LAUGHTER

JUSTIN

You two need to get a.....bench. your OWN bench...

KATE

That's something to think about...By the way, KRISTEN, have you bought your winter coat as yet?

KRISTEN:

I still don't have a winter coat. I guess I'm not ready to strangle myself in a turtleneck. UGH!

JUSTIN

That's mad. It's freezing on the sidewalk, and you dressing like it's still summer. Oh my gosh!

KATE

Kristen, your'e MAD. You wanna get ill or something?...

KRISTEN

I'm sure you both have ONLY winter pieces in your capsule collection. However, mine contains more summer clothes than winter ones.

JUSTIN

What?

KATE

You are madder than I initially thought.

JUSTIN

Is it just me, or is winter shopping a PAIN. I can't be bothered.

KATE
(exchanges derisive looks with Justin)

IT'S JUST YOU! You are gonna freeze to...illness. Summer is officially over, for your information.

PEDESTRIAN WALKS PASS THE BENCH IN A HOODED WINTER COAT

KATE
(gushes)
Ahh! She look so cosy, comfortable and warm, I'd be tempted to sleep in that awesome coat....

KRISTEN

...That's a load of filth...If she had use a peplum belt as a cinch around the garment, it would have look more flattering.

JUSTIN

(rebukes)

Don't say something like that when Kate is talking

KRISTEN

(points at foot of bench, in protest)

But it's true!... That's a load of filth.... at our feet.

JUSTIN AND KATE

(grimace, spring onto their feet)

Yuck! Let's go, girl and girl

KATE

Where are we going Justin?

KRISTEN

I'd like to know that too. Where the HELL are we going?

JUSTIN

Winter clothes shopping at the mall for some nice warm clothes for you.

KATE:

I'm coming also.

KRISTEN

Thanks guy and girl, but there is nothing out there for me. It's quite unlikely, you will find anything that I really like. Seriously. Besides, I'm not ready to look like a fur collared Michelin mannequin.

KATE

Shut up!

JUSTIN

I know what shop, Topshop, has some ultra-chic winter stuffs...It never fails whether it's winter, summer spring or autumn

KATE
....Ear muffs, boots, umbrella. Oh, and JACKET!

JUSTIN

Brilliant! SOunds like today gonna be my lucky day. Yipeeeee!!!!!

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Is it just me, or is winter shopping a PAIN

Long sleeved, slim fit cardigan that Justin is wearing on the sidewalk

KRISTEN
I love your cardigan, Justin. It looks so edgy, modern and splendiferous...That's a good investment for the winter season.

KATE
It's so cool and good-looking. Can't believe it's a male's cardigan looking so AWESOME.

JUSTIN
(beams, fishes out Iphone and shows an image of the item)

Thanks...

KRISTEN
(to Kate)

Splendiferous? I would'nt go that far. SPLENDID will suffice. If she had use a peplum belt as a cinch around the garment, it would have look more flattering...Incidentally, Kate, that's a great, flamboyant flower lace cardigan you got on...Where did you get it?...So gorgeous. And desirable, covetable...

KATE
(quips, fishes out Iphone and show image of the cardigan)

Thanks Sorry you can't have this one I'm wearing. It's taken...And I wont let you take it off me either...

Ahh! She look so cosy, comfortable and warm, I'd be tempted to sleep in that awesome coat....

KRISTEN

...That's a load of filth...

JUSTIN

(rebukes)

Don't say something like that when Kate is talking

KRISTEN

(points at foot of bench, in protest)

But it's true!... That's a load of filth.... at our feet.

JUSTIN AND KATE

(grimace, spring onto their feet)

Yuck! Let's go, girl and girl

KATE

Where are we going Justin?

KRISTEN

I'd like to know that too. Where the HELL are we going?

JUSTIN

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Puffer jacket - an essential piece for autumn

It's freezing on the sidewalk today. Shivering on the bench, Justin and his chums wish they had brought a blanket. Afraid it would make them look too astronomic, they always avoid puffer jackets. Now it seems they are having second thoughts.

JUSTIN

Everyone is wearing a puffer jacket. No wonder they look so smug

KATE

They are just trying to keep warm. It's funny, we always say puffer jackets are hilarious. Now, they look so CUTE on these pedestrians.

KRISTEN

My Gosh, even Kylie has jumped on the bandwagon. Like, the rest of these LEMMINGS, she has turned her back on proper jackets for this unsightly thing. UGH!

JUSTIN

Kylie's encapsulate her amazing effort, passion. I admire her style..She looks amazing in that puffer jacket with the fur hood, especially as she gets nearer.

KATE

All the pedestrians are looking great in their puffer jackets. I'm inspired.

KRISTEN

What the HELL! I was never keen on puffer jackets. I still feel the same way. People who wear them look hilarious.

JUSTIN

You are an amazing inspiration, Kylie. You would look even more resplesdent in that puffer jacket on TV.

KYLIE
(giggles)

Thank you. No more ORDINARY winter jackets for me then..They are the warmest jacket, EVER. Soft and it has enough room... It's well made. I got it at ZARA. Justin, check out TRUE RELIGION...The price in Zara is roughly the same as in other stores.

JUSTIN

It sounds like this is a must-have outerwear for autumn...

KRISTEN

Speak for yourself....and Kate

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Sunday, 21 October 2012

Philip Treacy's London Fashion Week show

JUSTIN and his sidewalk chums, Kristen and Kate were enthused about seeing the final event for London Fashion Week - Day 3: Philip Treacy's comeback collection. Hoping to reach the venue first, they cantered pass the fashion pack as they dawdled through Somerset House exit. However, the chums were winningly refused entrance by security. This is how it went down.

SECURITY:

May I have your INVITATIONS, please.

KRISTEN

What?

JUSTIN
We DON'T have invitations

KRISTEN
This show may be at a different venue, but it's STILL a part of London Fashion Week, so we DON'T need special invites

SECURITY

I'm afraid, you do.

KATE
(quipped)

Any ideas where we can source them?

KRISTEN

This is a FARCE! I'm out of here. Lets get out of here guy and girl

SECURITY:

Sorry

JUSTIN:

Thank you. Come on girls

KRISTEN
(curses quietly)

FKN recusants!

--------------------------------------------------------------

They waited outside the gate, hoping they could see someone who could get them in. All they could see were familiar faces from the sidewalk. Instead of staying there, looking dejected, perpetually hiding their faces, they agreed to take the long walk home.

KRISTEN
(halted)

I have an idea!

KATE
(laughs)

So Do I

JUSTIN
Kate, I think she's serious.

KRISTEN

I am serious

KATE

So am I

KRISTEN

Okay, let's hear yours

KATE

I don't think we should leave. We could speak to people after the show to get their impressions about it, instead of walking home so early...

JUSTIN

I'm up for that.

KRISTEN

I'm not. It's getting cold. My feet are already tired. I have no intention of standing around for HOURS just to asked smug lemmings about the show...It will be in the Metro tomorrow.

KATE

Well, we could sit on that sidewalk bench until the show is over..there's a lot to watch on the sidewalk, so we wont be bored

KRISTEN

Security REFUSED to let us in, what if people REFUSE to talk to us about the show? I can endure no more than one refusal in a day.

JUSTIN
(show off video camera and microphone)

With these, people will be HAPPY to speak to us. Just say we are from Sidewalk TV

THUNDEROUS LAUGHTER

__________________________________________________

JUSTIN

Justin, Kate and Kristen from Sidewalk TV. What's your impression of Philip Treacy's fashion show?

Patron

Please to meet you three....Surprise surprise! Lady Gaga didn't steal the show. The HATS did. They actually UPSTAGED Lady Gaga by a mile...

KATE

Do you have to be so blunt? You should be ashamed of yourself for disrespecting the BORN THIS WAY professionally trained singer, in that fashion...

PATRON
(joked)

I have to be blunt...I was BORN this way. I know she can sing but the hats were more outrageous than her costume tonight.

JUSTIN

My parents always say 'if you don't have anything nice to say, it's best not say anything at all..

PATRON

Well, I was taught differently...Those hats got my full attention, not Lady Gaga, even though she wore eye catching Alexander McQueen laced boots...One problem with the hats; they could present a problem with my blind spot when I drive

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Friday, 5 October 2012

London Fashion Week: Day 3

BENT on out-shining the fashion pack at London fashion Week, both of WAYNE'S sidewalk chums defibrillated their efette game by sporting kaleidoscopic prints and embroidered floral. However, ever the minimalist style maven, Wayne exuded luminosity in Timberland laced boots, River Island plaid shirt and Superdry denim shorts. His chums were still on a high after winning best-dressed medals the previous night. Wayne was still sneering. In his candid opinion, winning best dressed accolade at a sidewalk bar was laughable, whereas, getting similar recognition at London Fashion Week, was something special.

The proof was in the pudding. Moments after the sidewalk chums emerged on the Courtyard Show Space at Somerset House, one of the legions of press snappers, plucked Wayne from between his chums.

PHOTOGRAPHER( to Wayne)

May I take some photographs of you

JEREMY
NO! Get Lost!

APRIL
Jeremy! Don't be so rude. He looks like a celebrity photographer

PHOTOGRAPHER
Your'e very kind but I'm not a......celebrity. Just call me Nicki

APRIL
Not to worry Nicki, WAYNE is not a photographer either

WAYNE
(stepping towards photographer)

Chums! Show some DECORUM, please. They don't mean to offend you, sorry. You may take photos of me

PHOTOGRAPHER
Okay...Just pretend your'e walking...Great. Now smile....Your'e looking fabulous.

..............................................................................................

MAN: (to TV interviewer)

I'll be modelling for Vivienne Westwood Red Label

JEREMY
That's astonishing! He's dressed like a dogs' race supporter. On the other hand, we are dressed for a chic occasion...London Fashion Week baby....Awesome! This is the life...

APRIL
(dreamily)
...drinking champagne, watching designers latest creations,...

WAYNE
(smugly)
...and getting snapped by photographers....

APRIL
(mumbled)
....Speak for yourself WAYNE

London Fashion Week is sonorously, not the first fashion event the chums attended. Over the past year, they were spotted at literally, hundreds, sorry, SEVERAL, events.

................................................

Models show off NICOLE FARHI'S Collection on the runway:

WAYNE
That coat is absolutely fabulous

APRIL
OMG! I would ABSOLUTELY wear it, amazing silhouette..

JEREMY
....To HELL with that. It's absolutely fallacious. There's nothing special about it.

...................................................

Vivienne Westwood Red Label Spring/Summer 2013 on the runway

APRIL
Hmmm. Those gloves are adorable. Got to take a picture of it

WAYNE
I know. Look at that dress. OMG...I adore everything we have seen so far in this collection. It's an honor to see this show..

JEREMY
I'm still waiting to see a killer piece. Wait!, I love those attractive stripes.

WAYNE AND APRIL
(exchanged looks, then cackled)

JEREMY
SHUT UP, You FKN lemmings! I meant, I love the stripes, but the model is attractive. UGH!

APRIL

I'd love to wear this dress in summer...Vivienne Westwood is my designer of choice.

...........................................................................................

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Saturday, 22 September 2012

New Primark

THE MOMENT arrived for the ubiquitous sidewalk darling, NICK, to hunt for cheaper versions of the inspired catwalk pieces on London Fashion Week.His sidekicks muttered about being tired.Any style starlet would have been tired after 3 consecutive days of LFW; not NICK. He literally dragged them to the opening of Primark's flagship store at the end of Oxford Street.

NICK wears Zara Denim shirt, Primark polo T shirt, All Saints jeans and Office converse

SECURITY released the bargain hunters in the store at 9am sharp. The first thing that made on impression on them was its monstrosity.

SPACE
WOW! This is Seventh heaven. Totally amazing...This is the biggest Primark I have been into. It's too BIG!

NICK
Actually, the one in Marble Arch is much BIGGER

KATO
It's not!

NICK
When was the last time you were there?

SPACE
I have never been. I saw it on TV

Nick and Kato guffawed.
......................................................................

KATO
What you doing?

SPACE
Sending a text to my sister to let her new I'm in Primark's flagship store

NICK
(grunts)
That supposed to make her day. Soon, lots of people will descend on the scene, it's gonna be like a battleground. Crazy Crazy! So we need to do what we came to do and get the hell out of here

I suggest we get the hell out of here NOW. I'm a little tired, actually.

KATO

Me also

NICK
We just came, we havent done ANYTHING as yet, you lemming!

.........................................................................

Beautiful clothes...AWESOME prices...

It's a fabulous store
......................................................................

SPACE

109, 110, 111...

KATO
....What the hell do you think your'e doing?

SPACE
Nothing. Just counting the number of tills

NICK
What? Are you here to shop, or do mathematics?

Shop, but I'm just working out how long for us to get served

KATO
You are crazy!

........................................................................

The sidewalk darlings caught a shopper stealing some clothes.

KATO
Oi...make sure you pay for that...if you can't afford, find yourself a job

ShopLIFTER ignored him, continued packing clothes in his bag.

KATO grabbed him, "call the police SPACE!..I'll have to arrest you thief."

NICK
We are not policemen. Let him go

SPACE
(grabbing the shoplifter's leg)
WE GOT YOU, THIEF....This is a civillian arrest. Shut your mouth. And stop resisting.

ShopLIFTER looked like a bodybuilder. He wriggled out of the sidewalk darlings' grip, then escaped down the stairs.

SHOPLIFTER

I recognize you lazy, TIMEWASTERS from the sidewalk bench. I'LL GET YOU!

SPACE

We recognize you THIEF!
.....................................................
SPACE

We queued for 17 minutes just to try on clothes...Now I'm wondering, will we ever get the chance to pay?

KATO
This queue to pay is even longer

SPACE
Much longer. we have wasted 19 minutes in it so far

KATO
Too MANY PEOPLE here today fam

NICK

Stop complaining. (sings) "try a little PATIENCE".......There were far more people at the Marble Arch opening. So the queues were MUCH longer. So we should be thankful, this opening did not attract that vast number of people. Just enjoy the moment

SPACE
22 minutes gone now guys.

NICK
Some of the cashiers are just TOO slow. UGH!... Look! That man is wearing a woman's cardigan. What the hell was he thinking?

(women behind the sidewalk darlings, discussed ethics if buying Primark clothes)

METEOR
We should boycott Primark

UFC
What...? How can you not LOVE Primark? Where else can I treat myself with a pair of plimsolls, 5 pairs of socks and a pair of jeans for £11?

METEOR
Did you know, people who make these products work under appalling working conditions, get little pay, and even children have to work under these awful conditions..

UFC
I always struggle with this issue. I thought of boycotting, but I can't, Because, even though its not right for anyone to work under these conditions, if we boycott the products, these people will not have a job....In other words, it's better to be getting little pay than no pay

METEOR
I see your point. It's a tricky issue indeed

.................................................................................

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