Africa Fashion Week London

AFTER walking a marathon on the sidewalk, empiricist pedestrian, Ennis, coercively extricate himself from the tedium of the olympics, on TV, to walk in "Africa" Fashion "Week", being held on the "3rd and 4th" of August, in "London." Moore than 50 deep-rooted designers, such as Lagerfield, and emerging ones, will showcase their prim collections.

ENNIS walks at event in Topman T shirt, Zara shorts and belt from Esprit

[EARLIER, ENNIS LOOKED FOR AN OUTFIT IN PRIMARK TO WEAR TO LONDON'S BIGGEST EVER AFRICAN FASHION EVENT.]

Till Operator: (to couple)

Would you like a bag?

POSH:

No thanks, we have our own bag. (customers in queue gasped as she took out a SELFRIDGES' bag.

Irate Customer:

That's out of order!

POSH:

I'd die if other pedestrians see me on the sidewalk with a damn Primark bag. Ugh!

Her partner nodded in agreement, "she would.!

But you are wearing Primark clothes now

If it were'nt for Primark, you'd be NAKED now

POSH:

You'll be astonished at the stupendous number of looks you get for carrying a primark bag on the sidewalk.

I think you are far too posh for Primark, so if I were you I'd get the hell out. NOW!

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NEW LOCH:

Where will the show be held? In SPitalfield market, near Liverpool street?

ENNIS:(in disgust)

Who told you? Yes!

New Loch:

I'll be there then.

You know this is a once a year event, so who will you be taking with you, your girlfriend?

Who told you? Yes! Joking, I'll take my mother. She's into current trends

That's lovely.

So how did you hear about Africa Fashion week

In Metro

Ahhh! Shame.

And you?

ENNIS:

Overheard random strangers talking about it on the sidewalk bench

...................................

Shortly after patrons arrived, Ennis could hardly find anywhere to stand, let alone, walk

Ennis overheard a disgruntled patron muttering about paying £7 for his ticket but was unable to get a seat, which were reserved for VIPs. He marched out, ranting.

FIELD:(on blackberry)

I miss you too, but I can't leave now. The show is about to start. I'll catch the first available flight later. 

[Listened]

Field: I saw Blake backstage....I could'nt believe it....No, I did'nt get the chance to greet him though. He was quite busy working. I can tell his debut will be a success.

[listened]

Field: Don't feel bad about missing the show. You did the right thing in concentrating and doing what you had to do before sunset for sabbath hour.

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Ennis could not resist this bewitching pair of hoops on the Afrocessories stall.

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When the Presenter introduced Adebayo Jones, instead of saying 'Adebayo is known for dressing some of the world's top celebrities', he said, 'Adebayo is known for dressing some of the world's top designers.'

The audience erupted.

..............................

Pippa stretched and yawned throughout the female models' presentation. However, she perked up when the first male model came out, "TAKE IT OFF." (referring to his shirt)

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REPORTER:

You were on intern for the show, how was the experience?


TRACK:

Awesome! Excited to see the stuffs, sorry, the collections.....The team work very hard to make the show a success. I look forward to be a part of it next year. I invited my friend Oscar, and he enjoyed the show a great deal, tell her Oscar.



OSCAR:

What an amazing show! It was wonderful to see african fashion on London's catwalks. I loved it. When the show ended, I just wanted to see more. A great turn-out, and I'm sure next will be even greater.

Oscar attracted alot of media attention. "Africa Is The Future" was emblazoned on his T shirt.
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photographs by Miss Cheap Broadband

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Graduate Fashion Week

Graduate Fashion Week was awash with talent scouts, style hunters, fashion virtuosos and, er, the pulchritudinous fashion event gatecrasher, Sandusky. His supercilious sidewalk chums, Summer Solstic and Maleficent, were instantly won overe when he handed them free tickets to the event.

Sandusky strutting towards entrance in FCUK shirt, Zara boots and Reebok track suit bottom

Zealous sidewalk style snappers made sure they captured the chums' outfits on the sidewalk facing Earl's Court Exhibition Center.

Thanks to June Sale, Sandusky's sidewalk chums are looking unusually dapper

 Sandusky:

I thought only vehicles were subjected to searches


SECURITY, Berry:

well, you thought WRONG. We also search every PEDESTRIAN who enters the Center. And Another thing, NO PHOTOGRAPHY inside the Building



Sandusky:

It's quite sad you forbid us from taking pictures. What's the point?


Security:

Well, you can take as many photographs as you like....here on the sidewalk..


MaleFicent:

It's a shame! I was gonna take lots of pictures. UGH!





Nevertheless, they entered the center in high spirits. The sounds of melodic violins lingered in the background. Also immediately noticeable was ELLE (selling summer edition) and The Great Menagerie, a pop up vintage and art shop.

Sandusky and Fitness sashayed to the entrance. Guess who won.

 Maleficent:

How did we end up at the front row at Graduate Fashion Week's show?


Sandusky:

Duh! We're at the front row to the cafe, not the catwalk show.




Summer Solstic: (excitedly)

It will be a whole lotta FUN...today is your birthday, remember?


Maleficent:

Oh yeah! Fantastic...Beautiful day indeed. shame if I miss it





Maleficent:

So what collections do you like the most, so far, Sandusky?

 Sandusky:

East London and central saint martins, of course.

Maleficent:

Powerhouses of talents.






Summer Solstic: 


What time will Northbrook College present its collection?



Sandusky:

I don't know. Ask one of the officials over there. Ugh!






Prince:

We ran out of orange juice, I'm afraid. We have coke though.



Maleficent:


No way. 



Prince:

You'd have to use a microscope to see its caloric content



 Maleficent:

I'm allergic to coke, thanks. May I have a coffee please





Sandusky's predilection for on the spot inspiration, led him, and the others, to the bloggers' bar. Few minutes later, he started his write up. The left when it was time for Manchester school of Art to parade it's collection.



Look at these lovely knits and prints


So on trend. They are hot this season 


These student designers clearly has the talent to be the future of the fashion industry 






Everyone became euphoric as University of  Martyn Roberts showcased its creations.

Christopher Bailey:

Good luck to all the fashion graduates who were selected for Graduate Fashion week catwalk. The featured collections demonstrated your hard work and dedication.Well done! We have some future stars among us today. Who knows, the next Christopher Kane and Stella McCartney could be looking at me right now. You deserve the highest accolade. May the best future designer wins. Good luck.


                                                                  
                                                                                     LATER

ELLE Editor: ...This year's  Graduate Fashion Week's Gold Award goes to.....(drum roll)........CHLOE




Daphne Guinness:


You go girl. Your creations were IMMENSE!



Maleficent:

Remind me to check out the Drapers' jobs board on our way out.


Sandusky:

What for? I may be scouted today.


Maleficent:

Dream on


Summer Solstic:

It's better to have a dream than to have none at all. Ugh!


Sandusky:

He did not hear what you said.

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photographs by FLOODS
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GILLY HICKS opened on Regent Street.

GILLY HICKS resently opened its flagship store on Regent Street. Behemoth and effervescent Fashion Event Gatecrasher, Frank, along with hundreds of other fashion enthusiast, turn up for the event.NEVER again, will Frank announce beforehand what fashion event he will be gatecrashing. Poor security struggled to cope with the massive turnout of people.

of all the hot models who met Frank, these two were his favourites

The queue stretched for miles up Regent street, but everyone was in a cheerful mood as the fine topless models helped out by smiling and waving at their leering admirers. Some of the lucky ones got the chance to take pictures with them. That was fun.

Finally, Frank got inside, greeted with lots of smiles, hellos and how are yous. In some sections, there were even more staff members than customers. They were all a beauty, especially this one.

without a doubt solar eclipse was the most gorgeous girl to grace the event

Kristen:

Big Sister, these hot bras and cut down undies are irresistible. May I borrow some money?

Aishwarya:

You DON'T have a job so how are you gonna pay me back?....The answer is NO.

I'll do your laundry for the next 6 months. I promise.

(smiles) The answer is YES

SISTERLY EMBRACE

(laughs) Leave some for the other shoppers, you selfish cow

From now on, I'm wearing ONLY Gilly Hicks bras and undies, so I must buy enough now.

WOW! You'll end being bored of them if you buy too many

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Didier:

TO HELL WITH BEING 15

PRESLEY:

What's wrong son?

The manager was ready for me to start working for Gilly Hicks TODAY. She said I have the distinctive Gilly Hicks' looks

Wow! That's great. So why are you so upset?

I told her I'm 15, she was like 'just forget it then.' ARGHHH!

DARN! So you did'nt get the job, you were'nt looking for, so what? Come back when you reach 18.

Are you sure?

No. Ask the manager

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WILL:

I'd like to try on this polo shirt


Staff member:

That's fine! You may use the Fitting Room upstairs


WILL:

Can't I try it on here, please


Staff:

I'm afraid not


Frank was sorry for the poor man, who like the scantily clad lifeguards, just wanted to showcase his fantastic abs also.


Frank:

Give him a chance please


Staff: (sternly)

No!

one gorgeous turn, deserves another. Looking good Solar Eclipse

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QUESTIONS FOR QUESTION

FRANK:

What are you looking forward to the most?


SHOPPER:

OMG! So many hot guys. This is gonna be so good today


FRANK:

I get you....Your turn


SHOPPER:

What?


FRANK:

Are you paying attention or what?.....Your turn to return a question


SHOPPER:

Really. I don't know what to ask, sorry. Oh, I know. Are you a designer? I asked because I heard you talking upstairs about your Fearsome and Handsome collection


FRANK:

No, I'm not a designer. Basically, the Fearsome and Handsome collection is what you would call your 'wardrobe.'


SHOPPER:

Really! That's crazy...Why don't you just call it by its proper name then, wardrobe


FRANK:

Nah! Wardrobe sounds boring and uninteresting, whereas, Fearsome and Handsome collection sounds so cool, ultra chic and on trend


SHOPPER:

Okay, if you say so

.......................................................................................................
FRANK:

How far did you travel to get here


REBEKAH:

Dorset


FRANK:

All the way from Dorset? Is there nothing happening nearer?...Kidding....That's miles away


REBEKAH:

I know



So how would you feel if you did'nt make it and someone told you how great it was?


REBEKAH:

I'd me so disappointed, I'd shout I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE


It's your turn now?


REBEKAH:

By the way, who are you and why are you here today?


Who me? I'm just here for the QUESTION FOR QUESTION programme.

these lot behind me try to understand how I turn up late, yet end up ahead of them in the queue

.............................................................................................................

FRANK:

You seem pretty excited


I am EXCITED


I know that already...Why though?



I'm at the opening of Gilly Hicks with all these beaustiful people. The weather is gorgeous..Gilly Hicks is my favourite brand. It's great I don't have to wish I was here



Did you make any sacrifices to be here



I have exams coming up, so I should be revising. I'll be okay. I'll just have to double my efforts when I return home.



Good luck with that. What's your question for me?



(laughs) You are asking too many question. Kidding. Did you manage to win any of the free underwears


Any? I'd like to win all of them



What for?



(laughs) for the 16,000 women in my world



Good luck with that then

I think they understand now, almost

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How did you hear about this event?

I saw Gilly Hicks GORGEOUS  lifeguards handing out flyers, and approached them before they approach me

So you got a single flyer?

Actually, I got about 7.

You silly boy...

My turn. So what would you doing today, if you had deciding against gatecrashing the event, what would you be doing right now

Shopping for my autumn winter clothes

At this time of the year?

Of course

I thought we have to wait until September

Yes, but not me

I see! You're a fashion editor

I wish....It just happen that I have similar privileges to fashion editors

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Frank showcases New Look hydrophobic hooded top, Blue Inc shorts and River Island Boots. Models showcases pieces from Hollister

photography by Craig
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sidewalk looks SLIM FOREVER workout

GYM FREAKS Hollande and David has the effrontery to challenge the perpetually uxorious, Birdman to a gruelling workout on the sidewalk.

Birdman, left, Hollande, getting ready for press ups

HOLLANDE:

Your'e like a fixture on the sidewalk Birdman, when do you find the time to go to the gym for a proper workout?


David cackles


Birdman:

Is that where you lot are going now?


David:

Of course


Hollande:

Wanna come for a proper workout?


Birdman:

No thank you, I hate the gym with a passion.


Hollande:

No wonder you look so unfit


David:

Yeah


Birdman:

Tell me, how often do you lot go to the gym


BOTH:

EVERYDAY!


Birdman:

Everyday? You lot need to get a life. Get a more exciting hobby. No wonder you always look so frustrated.


Hollande:

Whatever!


Birdman:


Both of you strike me as the types who go to the gym EVERYDAY and don't really workout. Instead, you just walk around and annoy proper gym users with your endless chatter. When you run out of people to annoy, you then go on a mechanical bike for 20 minutes; hardly pedalling - on the lowest resistance. (burst into laughter)


David: (shouts)

Take that back!


Birdman: Oh, so it's true.


David:(grabs birdman by throat)

Hello no! Take that back!


Hollande:

David, leave him alone. You know it's true.....BUT...we are still fitter than him.


Birdman:

YOU WISH! I knew it.



David:

You really think walking up and down the sidewalk everyday can make you fit.


HOLLANDE CACKLES


Birdman:

Of course! Who needs a boring gym when I got this beautiful sidewalk to work out on - for free..Look at the scenery.. Ah Breathtaking.


Hollande:

Only an idiot thinks he can live out every aspect of his life on the sidewalk


David:

I know how we can show him up. Let's see who is the fittest, YOU are US


HOLLANDE:

Yes. We dare you to let us work out with you on your beloved sidewalk


Birdman:

It's raining. Lets do this another time


Hollande:

I don't think so


David:

No chance
.......................................................................................................................

Birdman:

My hands are gonna get dirty


DAVID RUSHES INTO SOMEONE'S YARD AND BORROW A A PIECE OF FLAT BOARD


David:

Not anymore. You can rest your hands on this when we work out


Birdman:

You are gonna get me in trouble. Put it back please.


David:

Stop being a chicken


Hollande:

Let's go furrther up the sidewalk where the owner can't see us

..................................................................................................................

Birdman:

We must warm up first

David:

No time for that.


Birdman:

We will injure our muscles if we dont warm up before working out

Hollande:

NONSENSE!

..................................................................................................................

David's revolutionally new way to burn to stay in shape - PRAYING

David:

Working out in the rain makes me sweat profusely. I'm gonna sit this out today. Sorry Hollande. Good luck!

......................................................................................................................................

David:

5, 6, 7, 8, go


The first set of exercise, press ups, is underway. Hollande manages to do about 7. On the other hand, Birdman goes on endlessly. David grow tired-counting.


David:

STOP! If you continue a gruelling excercise programme like this, your'e gonna be SLIM FOREVER. That's very worrying.

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Hollande has a funny way of conceding defeat. Look at his pose

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Alternative fashion Week at Spitalfield Market

Sidewalk chums are meant to attend arresting yvents together. However, Dennis is at the Alternative Fashion Week without the erstwhile Cole. The event must have slipped Cole's mind. Still weeping for the loss of his precious tooth, Cole had promised to show up nonetheless. Dennis emerges from Liverpool station, pestering pedestrians fur directions.

Dennis at  Spitalfield Traders' Market, sporting Tiger of Sweden trousers and Primark shirt

Pedestrians look at Dennis with blank stares or quickly declare no knowledge of the place. When he finally reaches and read the welcome sign, he understands why. All along, he was asking for Pitafield Market. The correct name is Spitalfield Traders' Market. What a difference a 's' makes. The beauty about this place, incidentally, is that it comprises both market stalls and posh shops like CHiCA. Anyone who never visit |Spitalfield, should be ashamed to admit it.

Please note that Alternative Fashion Week is produced by Alternative Arts, free of charge to the independent designers. There is a heavy downpour of rain, nevertheless, a large turn out of curious and interested people are on hand. Everyone has an umbrella but the high roof of the market is more than adequate.
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Where is Cole when I need him, Dennis thinks. It's gonna be a little challenging getting someone to shoot the videos and pictures. He would love to ask female passers-by but he's afraid they might mistakenly think he's trying to pull them. He tries one anyway. She didn't even reply, she just peer at the camera in his outstretched hand and walk away quickly. Never again, he thinks.


Excuse, do you mind taking a picture if me, please....Just ONE....takes just 5 seconds...

(scurrying away) No English


Two guys tries to run away. Dennis pleads earnestly so one of them decided to stop and help. Dennis gives instructions on how to shoot the video and what button on the camera to press to start and stop the action.


Later, Dennis tries in vain to stop few more pedestrians but they all ignore him.


Next, he approaches a couple and ask them to shoot the still photos. The male who was closest to him, frowns and hold his head straight. "You want me to take a pictures OF YOU?" asked his female companion.

"That's it." Dennis beams.

Okay

He hands her the camera then walk and pose for each photo.

"Awesome", she smiled when she takes the last picture.

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THE SHOWS ALTERNATIVE highlights


Women of all ages, sizes and heights are appreciated here. The female models are of average or above average sizes. Apparently, no sticks are allowed on this show. Also, there seems to be no restriction on heights; some of the models are a bit taller than a midget, whereas others are quite tall. Needless to say, the clothes look good on all of them. All models underwent weeks of training before the event opened.

Cole will be so pissed he'll probably lose another tooth when Dennis tells him later that he had missed the free lingerie show. Poor thing. Unlike London fashion week, you see, this show is hardly exclusive. No cordoned off front row for celebrities. Passers-by from all walks of life, sit with journalists and professionals from the fashion industry. Therefore, Cole missed a treat.



Before each designer's collection is showcased, he/she talks briefly about his/her inspiration for their creations. These independent designers maybe unknown and their collections are sometimes random, outlandish and outrageous but their talents are in evidence and appreciated by everyone in attendance. Some
of them are participating in a fashion show for the very first time so they are accompanied by friends and family to cheer and take pictures.

The highlights of Kevin's day were the eco-friendly and chic creations and the free lingerie presentaton. He thoroughly enjoyed the show.
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Tinie Tempah launches Disturbing London at Selfridges

STYLE CHAMELEON, Chelsea has the physiognomy to wear any of the striking pieces in Tinie Tempa's Disturbing London range. Consequently, finding himself with a spare £2700, he turns up at the launch of the range at Selfridges. Like Tinie,  Chelsea  actually kepe some clothes at his aunt's house. He lives with her, you see. His Fearsome and Handsome collection is crying out for some new and different pieces to jazz it up.

Chelsea parades on sidewalk facing Selfridges in H & M top and FCUK  jeans

As usual,  Chelsea 's cash-strapped chum,  Perry, tagged along behind, but was forced to return home prematurely. He admitted he did not notice the glass door at the entrance was unopened, so he walked straight into it. Luckily, he managed to lose only a front tooth. He wasn't gonna buy anything away, he just wanted to have a look




SECURITY, CARRIE: (to Chelsea)

Is he okay? How can we help?




CHELSEA: (annoyance in tone)


May I have the direction to the Trafford Centre? I can't wait any longer to see what the range look like. He's fine, by the way. (dashes towards escalators)



PERRY:

Wait for me.... I wanna talk to you


CHELSEA:

You just lost a tooth, how can you talk to me? Call your girlfriend so she can pick you up

I wanna talk to you

You've been saying that to me all the week, yet you said nothing even though you had your full set of teeth.

Please!

Now is not the time...I got Disturbing London clothes on my mind

.........................................................................................................

TRAFFORD CENTER

Louis: (gushes)

WOW! I love these clothes; they are o scool

Suggs:


Pretty decent range, if you ask me.


Meanwhile Chelsea tries on Black Tea Cup hooded sweatshirt. The shop assistant nods in approval when he comes out of the Fitting Room. 'It looks alright', she beams.


Alright? I change my mind then

Sorry, I mean it looks very good

Got you! I was gonna take it anyway, because I believe I look fantastic in it


She smiles

Chelsea grabs T shirts and few more of the hooded sweatshirts.


Man: (rants on phone)

I think Tinie Tempah was inspired by that 17 year old rapper from the US...What's his name?....Never mind....There is nothing distinctive about the clothes. They are not in Selfridges league, I honestly believe they are more appropriate for New Look or H & M...Taking all that into consideration, I can't understand whey they are so damn expensive. UGH!


Kevin:

I beg to defer. This collection looks amazing so it will do wonders for Selfridge's overall sales


(laughs loudly) Get lost! You chat pure nonsense. And get your own style. I can tell you're trying to clown Tinie Tempah's style.


Whatever!  You accuse Tinie of copying Diggy Simmons' eponymous collection, now you're accusing me of Copying Tinie's style....UGH!

..................................................................................................


Mariano:

Excuse me!




Shop Assistant:

Yes




Mariano

I can't seem to find the collection's women's pieces




The Disturbing London's collection is men's only, I'm afraid




Mariano:

Really! That's a shame. I'm sure his legion f female admirers would like to hit the sidewalk in clothes bearing his name.


Don't worry, he will not keep them waiting for long


Mariano

Hope not, I can hear them clamouring already for his clothes



His underpants?

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