ASANTE wears clothes inside out

BUNCH of girls roller-blade on the sidewalk, singing opera songs. Passers-by glare at them in utter bemusement. In Asante's expert opinion, the style zealot of the bunch is Claire; the girl singing soprano. She wears her psychedelic print dress inside out. ASANTE trips over a sidewalk bench owing to his fix gaze on her attire.

Asante (showing off inner stitchings on H  M inside out sweatshirt)

NEXT DAY ASANTE AND HIS CHUM, LINDSAY, STRUTS DOWN THE SIDEWALK


LINDSAY: (laughs)


Do you like dressing in the dark? Or did you dress in HASTE? Or did you spill something nasty on the outside of your clothes?






ASANTE:


I wonder why you asking such stupid questions.




LINDSAY:


Well, I noticed you've been wearing your clothes inside out recently. Today is no exception. This is funny....




ASANTE:


You TURD. Why didn't you tell me this before?






LINDSAY:

Sorry. I meant to bring it to your attention, I just forgot. Better late than never. No wonder pedestrians have been giving us funny looks




ASANTE:


Who cares!






LINDSAY:

I do




ASANTE:


I don't. In fact, I think it's FUN to wear my clothes like this






LINDSAY:


Don't mess with me. You can't be serious


...........................................................................................................




ASANTE TOLD LINDSAY ABOUT CLAIRE; THE SOPRANO WHO INSPIRED HIS LATEST SIDEWALK LOOK







LINDSAY: (incredulously)


Chum, you are crazy. Honeslty, I think you're taking this Sidewalk Looks too far. What will you think of next? wearing your clothes BACKWARDS?....Here. (hands jacket) WEAR it over your shirt NOW.




ASANTE:

What for?





LINDSAY:

Lots of people are here for the sidewalk sale, they will laugh at us if they see you wearing your clothes like that. You must hide those stitchings





ASANTE:

I'm proud to show off this look, so keep your jacket. If you're so worried about making a fool of yourself, then jog on. Real talk




LINDSAY:

I'm trying to help you, so don't be rude





ASANTE:

You're either gonna continue support me on this project or NOT...My only regret is that the seams and stitchings on my clothes are not more noticeable. UGH!






LINDSAY:

 Stop this crazy thing chum. Are you on drugs or something?





ASANTE:

Wishing you could pull of this unique look?





LINDSAY:

This look is WEIRD, not unique




ASANTE:

 Whatever! How many times have I seen you with your clothes inside-out, yet I still stood by you





LINDSAY:

Nothing wrong if I wear my pyjamas inside out. I was in my own private home. The difference is, you are on a PUBLIC sidewalk. Don't ever think these people will fail to notice how RIDICULOUS your clothes look, just because they are busy searching for bargains. If no one talks to us today, you'll be the reason.




ASANTE:

Whatever...Only last saturday, a jogger pointed out that your sweatshirt was inside out. Have you forgotten that already? I happen to like my clothes inside out, okay?





LINDSAY:

Atleast, I had an excuse....Don't you realize how gross you look wearing your clothes like that. UGH




.
ASANTE:

..an excuse? You should be ashamed of even mentioning 'an excuse.' I'm sure everyone will prefer to see me wearing my clothes inside out....SOBER...than you doing the same but DRUNK as hell...And what about the time you were spotted on the sidewalk in two different shoes? One black, one brown....






LINDSAY: (laughs)


.....I must admit, that was hilarious



ASANTE: (joins in laughter)

It's good when you can laugh at yourself sometimes. Life is too short to take things so seriously. Trust me, wearing your clothes inside out is FUN


.........................................................................................................................

Lindsay (before turning jacket inside out)

LINDSAY:

So are you telling me that you saw this (indicating a finger) ONE girl wearing her clothes inside out, and that inspired you to follow?




ASANTE:

Actually, I did spot some pedestrians doing the same thing, but I thought it was madness. However, this girl made the look, look so cool and on trend, I couldn't resist. You should try it sometimes.




LINDSAY:

I don't know



ASANTE:

Tell me something. Do you wash your clothes inside out?




LINDSAY:

Yes. Why?




Same here. However, beforeI do my laundary,  I don't have to go through the trouble of turning each piece of clothing inside out, because I was wearing them inside out already



LINDSAY:

I see.

..................................................................................................................................

LINDSAY:

I normally fold my washed clothes inside out



ASANTE:

If you wear them inside out, you wont have to turn them inside out again. Besides, when you wear your clothes inside out, you get double value for money, if you know what I mean



LINDSAY:

You mean I get more wears out of them. I never thought of that




ASANTE:

And if you ever discover your clothes is inside out after buttoning up, don't worry. Go about your business without correcting it. It's funny, but it's fun




Are you tryin to make a fool out of me?



ASANTE:

Hell no! I just want you to join the style party....Another reason why you might fancy inside out dressing is, the brand label will be increasingly visible....


.....Really. This is sounding better by the minute. You should have said that in the begining


ASANTE:

I know....I know how much you like to show off your brand of clothing



Indeed. I must admit I admire your smart genes 




ASANTE:

Thanks...By the way, if you can't be bothered to turn your clothes inside out every time, you can always pick up clothing at H & M and TopMan with the stitchings on the outside. In fact, my current attire is from H & M. My Fearsome and Handsome collection needs a few more similar pieces, so lets stop on the way.


You mean even the stores are into this trend?


Yes. Well, I don't know if it's officially a trend, but I do know that,  these stores are cottoning on in the name of profit. You should cotton on in the name of Sidewalk Looks

on the way to H & M and Topman to help Lindsay find some inside out clothing

.......................................................................................................................

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ALDO re-opens Oxford Street

SIDEWALK chums Jack and Bruins hearts skip beats at the re-opening of ALDO on Oxford street. Outstandingly good staff salute them at the entrance, then hand out free delectable sweets, Iphone cases and scratch cawrds. Amber Atherton from Made in Chelsea, rocks the euphoric crowd with a fine selection of music.

Jack stops for a photograph while Bruins walks ahead in white ALDO shoes.  (photograph by  Mel)

JACK: (gushes)

OMG! This store is HUGE!


BRUINS:

So colourful and bright...The shoes look good too


JACK:

Hold your horses, we haven't seen all of them yet.


BRUINS:

I'm having a wonderful time and we just got here. That's all I know.


JACK:

This is awesome


BRUINS:

This is what I call fantastic


JACK:

I like it here alot...This got to be the BIGGEST store in the world. Aren't they?

..................................................................................................

FEMALE CUSTOMERS GETTING NAILS DONE


Good place to unwind


Indeed, get me some of the free ice cream please.


The summer shoes look fabulous. Aren't they?


So many choices. it will be difficult to choose


Get me vanilla please. That's my favourite flavour.


..I meant many choices of shoes NOT icecream, you moron.

.................................................................................................

BUNCH OF PEOPLE ENTER IN WILD CHATTER
......................................................................................................


Woman: As much as I adore these neon wedges, I'll have to leave them

I will lend you the money

I have money with me, thanks. Peter said I have too many ALDO shoes already, so I should not buy any more.

Nonsense. It's not possible for a woman to have too many shoes. You'd be an idiot NOT to take advantage of these amazing discounts.


(grunts) He's just jealous I have a lot more shoes and clothes than him.


(scoffs) MEN!

.............................................................................................................

GIRL AND HER FIVE YEAR OLD CHILD RUN INTO A FAMILY MEMBER

Girl:

It's been 3 months since we saw you aunty. How you been?

Child:

Aunty, you have grown

.............................................................................................................
TEENAGED FRIENDS CHATS ABOVE THE DIN

My mother needs to know that SHE is a whore


SHHH!!!Don't tell everyone. At the end of the day, she's still your mother


I don't care....Well, she's been telling EVERYONE  lies about me, so nothing is wrong if I speak the truth about her.


Can we speak about this on the way home. I don't wanna spoil the mood here....By the way, did you answer the trivia questions?

Yes, of course

Well done

(cackles)
Well, the manager said all my answers were incorrect.

...........................................................................................................

STAFF MEMBER HANDS A FREE TOTE BAG TO FEMALE SHOPPER


Can I just be cheeky and ask for the blue one, please?


.........................................................................................................................


(enthuses)

This is the best day in my life.

well done ALDO staff. This is the best store party I've attended

This is the FIRST store party you're.....

SHUT UP!


(to a member of staff)

Where can we find the parked ALDO truck?  We wanna try win the £100 gift.

It's on the sidewalk of Conduit Street, next to NEXT

Thanks
.........................................................................................................................

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7 For All Mankind store Opens in Covent Gardens

PERVASIVE Ivanovic learnt about 7 For All Mankind's shop opening in Covent Gardens only while sauntering to worke with Hillary. Needless to say, he made a U-turn peremptorily. He never update his Fearsome and Handsome collection unless he first gets inspiration from the sidewalk, so Hillary feels it's unwise for him to skip an important meeting at work just to witness a new shop opening. As she does not want to upset him any more, she keeps her mouth closed.

SIDEWALK CHUMS HURRYING ALONG SIDEWALK




Ivanovic: (barks)


How come you failed to tell me about this new 7 For ALL Mankind shop opening?


Hillary:


Relax man. Sorry. You said you had a meeting at work today, so I figured you'd be unable to come and see what's on offer.


Ivanovic:

Nonsense. I'm chairing that meeting so it can't go on without me. They'll just have to wait....Lent is over, spring has sprung, so it's time to feast my eyes on potential sidewalk looks.


Hillary:


Wont your colleagues be upset?


Ivanovic:

Not when I tell them that I had stomach ache


Hillary:


Your'e such a liar....


Ivanovic:

....Shut up!...Just hurry before the fashion fanatics grab the best pieces. I just need to see if they have some decent jeans so I can finally bin these Primark ones I been wearing for the last month. UGH!


Hillary:


Sorry, I can't walk any faster. Your attaché case is too heavy for me.


Ivanovic: (grabs attache)

What are you doing with my Gucci bag? I have important files in there for the meeting, you know.



Hillary:


You asked me to carry it for you, as usual.


Ivanovic:

Oh! Okay, (hands it back) carry it then. Just don't drop it. Too much vomit and spit on the sidewalk.


.....................................................................
CHUMS  BROWSING INSIDE NEW STORE


HILLARY:

Wow!


What are you looking at?


HILLARY:

This 7 For All Mankind jeans, of course. They look quite comfortable.


Duh! This is the 7 For All Mankind store, so all the denim on display are by 7 For All Mankind....Try it on then



HILLARY:

I can't be bothered. Why don't you try it on? It will definitely suit you



Okay. Where's the Fitting room?


.....................................................................

UGH! (shouts from inside Fitting Room)


HILLARY:

What's the matter?


I hate them. I feel like ripping it up..


HILLARY:

I thought you said you love it.



You said you love it, NOT ME. It don't fit me at all. UGH!


HILLARY:

You know 7 For All Mankind denim do not come cheap. So if you rip it, you'll be forking out lots of cash to pay for it. Just look for another one and stop stressing yourself.

The whole rack seem to be size 34, what am I gonna do?.....Even your dad is sporting  7 For All Mankind jeans on the sidewalk, so I hope I'll find a pair that's right for me

HILLARY:
Ahhhh! I bought it for him. I noticed that the sidewalk was awash with pedestrians clad in them, so I didn't want him to feel left out.


...................................................................................

BINGO!



HILLARY:


You seem pretty happy with this pair. Turn around let me see....






(spins slowly with wide grin)


I could literally live in this pair all week. Joking. I'd wear it only when I am going to a special occasion.




Looks good indeed. Well done. Are you gonna buy it now?




Of course not. You know I have to first see a pedestrian sporting something similar on the sidewalk




In other words, your'e here just to LOOK






Something wrong with that? I would'nt miss this experience for the world. Next time an important fashion event comes up, please remember to to give me advance notice


.........................................................................................................




In store radio belts out Cookie Jar by Gym Class Heroes; "I like girls, they like me. They look so good in their seven jeans. Want you to be the one and my only. I wanna be faithful but I can't keep my hands out the cookie jar...."

.........................................................................................................

I'm could wear this pair to work today...

You're already in trouble for turning up late at the meeting, wouldn't you be making things worse by ditching the uniform for a pair of jeans..


I wouldn't care?


It's a good thing you're the type who relies on pedestrians' fashion to inspire your personal clothes...By the way, I believe you you already have a similar pair of 7 For All mankind jeans in your Fearsome and Handsome collection.


My ex shredded it when we broke up, remember?

Really. So what did you do in response?


Nothing


 Can you buy me this jacket for me? I forget my wallet.

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